Comic Relief: From Airline Pilots

How stupid is stupid enough?

Airline pilots were injected with some of the toxic brews and some of them croaked, which probably affects the safety of air travel more than any t*ist threat (which don’t seem to exist, anyway). Pigs have been “vaccinated” since 2017, but this camel volunteered for the photo:

Poor thing, may have been crazy when (s)he accepted the injection…

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Here is a UPS pilots’ “gripe sheet.” Thank my wife for finding it; you can thank me later. :)

Before flights, here is a form for pilots. No kidding:

This is so insanely stupid, it might even be military!

My favorite oxymoron used to be “military intelligence,” but in recent years, “human intelligence” took over. Here are a few more like “act naturally,” “we are alone,” “passive aggressive,” “original copy,” and the like:

https://editorialstage.wordgenius.com/our-favorite-oxymorons/

and

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqkwjz/what_is_the_best_oxymoron_you_know/

and if you have the inclination and all the time in the world, here are a hundred of them:

https://www.thoughtco.com/awfully-good-examples-of-oxymorons-1691814

Returning to pilots, after every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then, pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (“P”) and solutions recorded (“S”) by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget poundng on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

Good thing children cannot be sent by UPS, as they used to by US Mail:

https://www.21cpw.com/a-brief-history-of-children-sent-through-the-mail/

Finally, here is greeting card for your neighbors who wouldn’t listen to common sense: