This is a sequel to my two previous posts about lasting relationships, and I would like to dedicate it to Steigel’s wife, who has just passed away:
His story reminds me of being absolutely grateful for what I have now, and what I wish for everyone.
I remember my mother declaring her everlasting love for my father only one week before she died, and it was anything but the “ideal marriage.” He had been dead for 27 years by then, but time doesn’t matter, when it comes to love.
Please, allow me to share about my wife and me. It took us a year only to kiss, and we got married shortly after that. In less than a year, I added her name to the title of my house. Maybe, only maybe, we knew that we were into something much more than whatever the movies had been projecting for decades. Maybe, we simply wanted to know after all our disappointments that we could still find someone with whom we could belong together. It was a shocker, and I still wake up every morning barely believing that I’m not dreaming. She is there, and I am there for her.
We did find someone to love. Before me, she used to be used by everyone and ever since we’ve been together, she’s been telling me it feels like a vacation.
What does it take to stand up for someone? I remember an old “friend” whom I had known from first grade and on one day in the sixth grade he told me that three big guys were waiting for him after school. He asked for my help. I knew the three big guys; they were a lot older, taller and stronger than any of us, but I told myself, “What the heck, am I any good, if I wouldn’t I do this for my friend?” Well, he was not exactly my friend, only expecting me to be one, because he had known me for five years. At the same time, I thought that once I would express my friendship, we would remain friends. That never happened, which reminds me of John Wayne’s maxim, “Help out those in need, and they will remember you, when they are in need again.” Well, I was too young to understand that and, anyway, I was taking my chances.
Basically, I agreed to be beaten up on his side. As silly as I it sounds, I went out with him after school, and the three big thugs, once they noticed he was not alone, just walked away. Maybe, they saw it in my eyes:
https://rayhorvaththesource.substack.com/p/your-best-defense-are-you-ready-to
Sometimes, being committed involves a leap in the dark.
I was not risking much with my wife, because by the time I got committed, I knew she would never betray me and I would keep her as safe as any man could. She is bringing sparks of life into my life that I would have never noticed without her and I am here for her, whatever it might take.
She is the greatest treasure in my life. She is a Canadian citizen, and I cannot even get her a SSN, because she has been damaged by previous injections as a young girl (good luck proving that), and she couldn’t even proceed, unless she would accept the (sooner-or-later) lethal shots for convid and a number more for other invented illnesses…
This little piece is a sequel to my previous discussion topic about males and females, simply geared towards bringing people together:
https://rayhorvaththesource.substack.com/p/who-should-initiate
Well, there may be a few previous related posts, but even I cannot remember every single one of my 618 posts after 13 months. :)
As for the secret of a good marriage, at least in the way that has been fool-proof for me, is simple here.
After kissing each other only a year after we met, I had already known more than enough about her that I wanted to spend of my life with her.
Is she perfect? No. Am I? No way.
What happened was that, for some miraculous reason, we agreed on something that I eventually called a “package deal.” It’s not all that crazy or stupid, if you think of it, because all it’s about is that we take the good with the bad. It’s been working for us ever since, and if you find me dead one of these days, it would be only because I wouldn’t like to live without her (no suicidal ideations, though. :) )
Loving couples often die soon after one of them is gone. This couple died only four hours apart after 62 years of marriage:
I hope, not only Stiegel (he is a writer, and I know, he will), but everyone reading this can deliver the same message to those who need it.
You're blessed to know such a love, as was Stegiel.
When C.S. Lewis lost his beloved wife, he wrote. "The pain I feel now is the happiness I knew before. That's the deal."
That pretty much sums up the inexpressible.
Blessings to you, Ray. I had that kind of love. The kind where you make the rules that you choose to live by and not follow those standards set by society. There is no need for perfection with this kind of love. Just appreciation for the shared time. I am 10 months out from my change in status to widowhood. At times I miss him desperately, but I am grateful that We shared those 14 years we had together. I was his rock and he was mine. I have to continue on but that doesn't mean I have to like every step. It's going to take a while to find my smile again.